Amazed and Perplexed

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it" (Isaiah 30:15, NIV)


Several months ago, God powerfully spoke to my spirit and told me "I was going to be amazed."  Since that time I have been amazed but nothing like I thought it was going to be like.  Yes, I have seen amazing answers to prayers, miraculous turn around in situations but I never suspected that I would end up with two hurt knees, issues with my throat and acid reflux, and anxiety attacks all at the same time!  Just like Isaiah 30:15, we want to write down or quote the first two thirds of the verse rather than reading and highlighting the whole verse.  What God has been showing me is I am pitiful wretched, poor, weak, and not invincible.  God has been destroying so many illusions and wrong ideas I have while also showing me His glory and power all at the same time.


God is preparing me and cleansing me all at once.  For over a year now I have been telling God I was going to make some better health choices, better eating choices, and exercise more.  After I hit rock bottom, someone in the church spoke powerfully to me and said, "Chris, why were you not asking God to help you do those things rather than telling God what you thought you should do for him?"  It was like God himself spoke right to me through that person.  Since that time, I have had partial healing of my knees and I still battle anxiety almost every day.  I own Psalm 143 now which has new meaning to me since I am not dealing with physical enemies from the outside but inner enemies from the inside.  One day when I just got done praying for God to deliver me from these enemies I have been battling, a friend texted me on my cell phone and told me to read Deuteronomy 28:7.  These have become life-giving words in how God speaks and uses other people.  This verse powerfully says, ""The Lord will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before you face; they shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways."


So I have been amazed but not surprised.  I have been perplexed but not down and out.  I am seeing things in the spirit realm I have never seen or experienced before and God has been comforting me and giving me revelation on almost a daily basis.  I am praying bolder prayers and daring bigger dreams for God.  I am even asking God to perplex me and complicate my life more which I struggled to pray at first which is becoming more a way of life as I continue on.  I am discovering how to rest in God's love and move in God's presence.  I have been waiting when I should have been moving and moving when I should have been waiting on God. I am repenting and trusting God for the abundant increase he is bringing in me and around me.  God will not leave me where I have been or let me fall back into the same old routines as before.  Do we really fear the Lord.  Psalm 55:19 basically says if we are not changing then we really don't fear God.  While we may at times feel overwhelmed by our circumstances, I am simply overwhelmed by God's goodness.