Benedictine Monastery: Day Seven

St. Benedict said, "The light of holy contemplation enlarges and expands the mind of God until it stands above the world." My heart and mind have been expanded by Jesus sacred heart and the holy moments of this retreat. How can one not enter into the heavenly realm when one is singing with the angels in the divine liturgy and partaking of the medicine of immortality in the Eucharist.

Wonder, mystery, and total peace fills my soul today in this one eternal moment beyond time. Pure ecstasy, complete joy, and inner peace fills my soul. I have been soul sick for way too long and today I feel completely free. Today I am fully restored. Today I am totally healed by the suffering lamb of God. Maranatha!

Benedictine Monastery: Day Six

I read Psalm 139:1-12 which resonated with my soul this morning. In the translation I was using, verse 9 reads like this, "If I climb upward on the rays of the morning sun." I am reminded of six weeks earlier when I was on a retreat at St. Meinrad's Benedictine monastery of St. Benedict's vision reported by St. Gregory. In this vision, St. Benedict saw the whole word gathered up into a single ray of light.  It was asked how was it possible to see the whole world in a single ray of light? The answer" the earth grows small when the spirit is enlarged. This is the challenge of the contemplative praying. We become so small that all we see is God.

Benedictine Monastery: Day five

When I partake of the sweet Eucharist, there is a fire in my belly and a peace beyond this earthly realm. I am reminded of the words of Queen Elizabeth of the Trinity when she spoke of this Eucharist life of God:

O Jesus of the Eucharist
My spouse, my love, my life,
How I love to listen to you
to speak to you, to see you every evening.

O how sweet are these encounters
How sweet are the tears
You, my supreme love, O my King
My Jesus, when I am near you
It seems to me that I am no longer on earth.

When I hear your voice
O my spouse, O my good master
I hear and see nothing but you.
O these sublime, ecstatic moments
Intimate and sweet union
When my heart beats in unison with my Savior
would that I spend long hours in that holy abode.

My sole love, nothing keeps me here on earth
Jesus alone satisfies me
Apart from Jesus, I can do noting
Near to Him, I am happy
He is my life and my love.

Jesus my only love!
Jesus God of the Eucharist!
Jesus my sustenance, my life,
Jesus who loves and chooses me
that I may love Him and even suffer for Him.

Benedictine Monastery: Day Four

The words of St. Theresa are now forever tattooed on my heart, "Enlarge my heart Jesus with your heart. It's a flame from the furnace of your heart."  I went to a contemplative prayer time early this morning. The whisper of God's spirit said, "Be at peace my child."  I arose and meditated on these words.  I am a son of a preacher's kid from the Anabaptist tradition. My great ancestors I believe were German Catholic Rhineland mystics.  So who am I? Am I a German Catholic Anabaptist mystic? The Catholic priest of this retreat said I was an anonymous Catholic. Maybe I am a secret Anabaptist or a closet mystic? Who am I? I am God's beloved child.

Like St. Theresa, I am entering this journey into the deep chasm of God's heart where Jesus sacred heart resides. I want to live the life of Jesus lived with his heart leading the way. This is the deeper journey into the divine mystery of the Trinity. My soul is raptured by God's consuming fire of love. I hope to live this prayer of the sacred heart of Jesus:

Sacred heart of Jesus, make my heart pure like yours.
Sacred heart of Jesus, fill my heart with mercy and make my heart like yours.
Sacred heart of Jesus, undivided and fully devoted, my heart is yours.
Sacred heart of Jesus, full of heaven, make my heart like yours.
Sacred heart of Jesus, ever prayerful, make my heart like yours.
Sacred heart of Jesus, full of grace and peace, make my heart like yours.
Sacred heart of Jesus, burning with God's love, enlarge my heart with your heart.
Sacred heart of Jesus, simple and child-like, make my heart like yours.

Benedictine Monastery: Day Two

I walked into the empty room and the room spoke to me.
The room said, "Don't evaluate or judge anything, just be with me."
I stood still in wonder for what seemed like an eternal second.
I was both startled and dazzled by the brightness of the darkness in the moment.

Like a veil that lifted off me for a moment, everything was on fire by eternity.
Everything still yet in motion giving praise to the maker of heaven and earth.
I was caught up in a celestial choir whose song filled the spaces between the empty spaces.
Suddenly the ordinary was holy and all matter and time entered into a sweet hush of divinity.

I am simply in awe on this silent retreat in the scenic beautiful area of Beech Grove Indiana. This is a monastery for nuns and there are only two of us men on retreat besides the Spiritual director who is Catholic priest. The other man on retreat with me is a minister of thirty plus years like me and comes out of the same Stone-Campbell tradition that I am from. Silence is not easy for me but I do hope I get to talk to Jim some more before this retreat is over.

I ate lunch in holy silence today. Everyone in silence seems so serious. I am reminded in the moment that God also loves laughter and playfulness. So here is my prayer today:

O humorous, playful, fun-loving God, knock me over with your ridiculous creations.
Roll me in the laughter that the world will never understand.
Push me over the edge of my seriousness into your laughing, loving arms. Amen.

Benedictine Monastery: Day One

I am on a silent retreat. Can I be still and quiet in listening to God's breath this week? I face a new reality---my silent self which is always speaking and the voice of God which is not silent and always calling me to an awakening. As I am carried along by silence this week, I will enter into a flow of the uncharted waters of God's Spirit. Is God inviting me to fullness in silence? Can my eye be single for a week? All I know this week is I want to see Jesus and be obedient to His voice and do whatever he tells me to do. Maranatha!

(reflections I wrote on retreat)